It is all a state of mind.
You have to allow it to happen. Be open
to it. Embrace it.
You become a spectator of your own
life. You have no idea what will happen next; but whatever it is, you
will go along with it.
It is perhaps the numbness that is the
most addictive.
Letting go of control. Letting go of
pain. Letting go of the past. If only temporarily.
You blend into your surroundings. You
used to know who you are. It used to be something clear, a picture in
your mind: this is me.
But this is no longer true. Now the
concept of you is an abstract form. An ever changing, liquid shape.
Like water in a jar, you change to fit the situation.
Where do you end and he begins? Is
there a clear distinction?
And so the current sweeps you, through
raging rapids and massive waterfalls, and you, a helpless leaf pushed
and pulled wherever the water takes you. And eventually, you flow
into the ocean.
And you drown.
And you drown in him, and you become
him, and he becomes you, and there is nothing else.
Just numbing silence.
