Bristolian Days

There was a time in my life when I lived almost a year completely by myself, in a city I barely knew.

This city eventually became part of me, a part of my genetic make up so integral that the longing is painful.

I was freer than I had ever been or will ever be again in my life. I was so alone, and it was so exhilirating, so empowering. I learnt so much about myself that I would not have been able to had I always been surrounded by others.

I will never forget breathing in the crisp, night air, the coldness piercing my lungs. Or sitting at my desk looking out into a dark sky as fat raindrops fell onto the ground. The hills I climbed, the walks by a river so beautiful I had to spend some time by it just to feel the sense of awareness and appreciation.

It is a city known for producing artists, musicians that are not in the mainstream. They are people who blur the lines. They are not shy of their art, unapologetic.

It is not a place that I expected to have such an impact on me. Even while I was there, I probably did not realise. This city is overshadowed by its bigger, more popular sister. But it is the one with all the magic.

Little things remind of it. So vivid, I can feel the cold night air surrounding me thousands of miles away. I can only hope that the clarity does not fade over time.

Lessons Lost and Found

It seems that I have lost all the lessons that I have learnt during my time in the UK.

Those times when I stared at the moon, feeling like I was the only one in a city full of people. The cold, crisp night air entering my nostrils as I stilled my mind, aware of my myself, and my body, and everything around me.

Sometimes alone, sometimes sharing the experience with another. This unbearable, euphoric, painful, ovewhelming belonging to this city, and its land, and its people, and and and...

And yet here I find my mind crowded. Family, work, money, people, life. What if and why and how and when and why is he... and where... and how come... and why, why, why?

Is it Dubai? Is it the people around me? Is it responsibilities, the environment?

It's not fair to blame it on others.

It can only be up to me.

To breathe in deep. To relax. To calm my mind.