Ocean

It is all a state of mind.

You have to allow it to happen. Be open to it. Embrace it.

You become a spectator of your own life. You have no idea what will happen next; but whatever it is, you will go along with it.

It is perhaps the numbness that is the most addictive.

Letting go of control. Letting go of pain. Letting go of the past. If only temporarily.

You blend into your surroundings. You used to know who you are. It used to be something clear, a picture in your mind: this is me.

But this is no longer true. Now the concept of you is an abstract form. An ever changing, liquid shape. Like water in a jar, you change to fit the situation.

Where do you end and he begins? Is there a clear distinction?

And so the current sweeps you, through raging rapids and massive waterfalls, and you, a helpless leaf pushed and pulled wherever the water takes you. And eventually, you flow into the ocean.

And you drown.

And you drown in him, and you become him, and he becomes you, and there is nothing else.

Just numbing silence.