Old Friends Die Hard

This time last year, I was in the process of losing a very dear, and very old friend. Of course, at the time, I didn't know it was happening. But I realise now that the outcome was inevitable, and circumstances were such that the “break-up” was unavoidable.

It hurts to lose someone as close to you as that, it really does. I have a tendency, I've noticed, to give myself completely to one person – to love them unconditionally and to favour them above all others – openly and unashamedly. It's almost as if I'm giving my life to their hands – my fears, my hopes, my dreams, everything – and saying, “Here. I trust you – you will guard me.”

And when someone becomes as an integrated part of your life as he did – playing a significant role in the way I think, feel, and who I am in general – the loss of that kind of friendship is a real shock. More so than a romantic relationship, because at least then – you know there are more reasons to break things off. In a frienship, things are much more simple, so a break would occur only out of something really quite serious.

We were both at bad points in our lives at the time, but I think neither of us knew it. We ended up taking it out on each other in a passive aggressive way. And it sucks, it sucks because we couldn't be there for each other, we didn't understand what was happening. And it sucks beyond belief that if I see him now, we will acknowledge each other; coldly – and then look the other way.

But such is the nature of life, right? The stronger you love someobody, the harder it is when you lose them. And it's so bitter, to know that somebody you would've done anything for is now gone. You can't do anything but learn your lessons from it and move on, but still make sure you honour the part they've played in your life.