Passion

To exaggerate the light you seen when onstage would be impossible. The first thing you notice, even before the audience, would be the light shining so bright that it blinds you. To some it brings fear and nerves; I feel at home with it. The roar of the audience fed me as I sat down. I started my piece playing for the audience; I ended being completely lost in the music. The emotions were so strong that I did not have enough space to keep them in; I was transferring them all into the music. All my senses except hearing were lost; I did not see, I did not touch and I did not taste. Every feeling was exaggerated as the music went from painful to scornful to cheerful to sarcastic. Music has its own life- it feels, it grows, it changes. I spoke to the music and it spoke back to me. There was no boundary between us, I was enveloped in the beauty of the music. The final note hung in the air as the audience waited patiently. I left thinking, “you have no idea!”

Numb

I am strong,
hidden behind a curtain of black.
I am hard,
I will lose myself and not leave a track.
I will keep everything inside.
You will not hurt me.
I will give away nothing,
You will not find me.
Try, but you will not touch me.
You will not reach me or teach me.
I am lost within myself,
My world is mine alone.
My sanctuary is here but you are there.
The distances to me you will not bear.
The pain will never catch me.
You alone will never match me.
I stand, watching you.
What do you see when you look at me?
I am frozen, hard, dead on the outside.
If only you knew the storm on the inside.
Delicate yet strong, but always tense.
You will not feel me in that sense.
To you, I am numb.
If only I was.

Dubai Desert Rock Festival

Thursday March 16th, 2006. Location: Dubai Country Club. Event: Dubai Desert Rock Festival.

As you all know, I woke up on that fateful day running to the bathroom, puking all over the place. I spent the rest of the morning either in bed, or in the bathroom, damning those Spicy Cheetos to hell. At 3pm, I received a call from my friends- they were on the way. Feeling like the undead and half-delirious, I was intent on going to this concert. I had been waiting for it for over two months- I stumbled to my wardrobe and picked up the first thing I saw. Tied my hair, applied eyeliner, and got my brother to drive me. I tell my dad I'm leaving and looks at me suspiciously, but can't refuse.
"Is there gonna be alcohol?" My brother asks.
"Yeah," I reply.
"WHAT??!!!!" Ever the over-protective brother. The whole way there he lectured me how never again was he going to drive me to a concert.

Testament were onstage when I got there. I joined my group of friends, noticing they looked at me kinda strangely. I look down at my clothes- I was wearing a pink Crew shirt that said "Beach" and my jeans. WAY outta place, what with all the goths around me. We rocked to Testament, way up front, and the people behind us started moshing, I was in NO condition to mosh. My hair kept getting pulled and me face was shoved up a guy's armpit. Testament finished, there was a break. Met up with some more friends and we were getting jollier by the minute. Drinks all around (which I was gonna refuse, what with my queesy stomach) and we're feelin' good. After the break, Reel Big Fish came on, they were fuckin' good, we got to the front again and kicked everyone's asses. The sun was setting, and we were getting happier and happier. After an hour of playing, it was about 8:30 pm and they left.

3 Doors Down came on and sucked ass. I was supposed to be home by 9, but my brother was getting held up. I was crossing my fingers- Megadeth were next and I really wanted to see them. I was called and told my brother was waiting outside. Right in the middle of the only 3 Doors Down song I knew- "Here without you". I kissed everyone good-bye and got the hell outta there. On our way home we stopped for Burger King. I didn't have ANYTHING to eat that day except that I drank some tea, so I got myself a burger.

Today at 4 am, I ran into the bathroom again.